The definition of safety (according to Webster) is the condition of being safe from undergoing hurt, injury or loss.
Most of us go through our days feeling a sense of safety without even realizing it. We don’t realize we feel safe and comfortable until we no longer do. At least that is my experience. On Saturday night, my sense of safety and security was taken away from me.
“Booties or flats?” “Curly or Straight hair?” “Leopard cardigan or sea green top?”
These were all decisions I made before leaving my house on Saturday night. For the record, I went booties, curly, leopard .
“Fight or lay here?” “Chase or just stand here in shock?” “Cry or keep it together?”
These are decisions I didn’t know I was going to have to make on Saturday night.
For the record, I went with fight, chase and keep it together.
On Saturday night I was assaulted and robbed by three young men. I was pushed to the ground resulting in me hitting my head off the cobble stone and was hit and pushed during attempts to get my purse, my phone was the only thing “actually” stolen from me (Thanks, Mom for buying me a purse with a cross-body strap for Christmas). After my attack I was harassed from my own cell phone by my attackers. They sent me very inappropriate, graphic and disgusting (sexual in nature) messages that are in many ways even more traumatizing than the event itself. I know you are asking yourself several questions, “Where did it happen?” “Was it late?” “Was she by herself?” “What did she do?”.
Here are your answers:
Where did it happen?
It happened in Fanueil Hall which happens to be the most visited tourist attraction in the U.S. annually. So no, I was not walking in some dark, unlit alley way alone (not that that would be an excuse for my attackers). It was a well lit area with a decent amount of people around. I was meeting friends at Athem Kitchen for dinner.
Was It Late?
No, unless you consider between 7:45pm and 8:00pm late.
Where you alone?
Technically, yes. I was alone as in I has no one with me. I was not alone on the street there were several people in the area that were witnesses to my attack.
What did you do?
I fought back and once they took off with my phone I started chasing them (and regretted my decision to wear booties). About five or so men who witnessed what had happened joined me in the chase. They attackers were fast and certainly knew what they were doing splitting up, running down alleys. They were not caught.
What did you do after?
I tried to remain calm and called Adam. Then walked right over to the police station and filed a police report. We tried to use “find my iPhone” to locate the phone but the location option was turned off. I then wiped out my email accounts from the police station because my work e-mail is on my phone and due to the confidential nature of some of the e-mails I get I wanted to protect my students. I then met my friends at Anthem to tell them why I was an hour and a half late. That is when the harassing text messages aimed at me were sent to my friend Gina’s phone. Gina had been texting me to see where I was.
So what is happening now?
Well, needless to say I am traumatized. I haven’t been sleeping. I got 4 hours of sleep today. I feel nervous, antisocial, anxious and sad. I am hearing that anger will come soon as well. I’m waiting for it. I think this is why the “It’s just a phone.” or “Good thing they only got your phone.” responses I have been getting are so annoying. I really wish that was the case. I talked to someone today about the trauma which helped in some ways. It helped because I felt every understood, but it also validated what happened to me and that it was a serious thing which made things more difficult. We discovered the the messages are more traumatizing to me because of the nature of the material in them but also because their goal is simply to terrorize me. The attack itself was a random act of violence, a means to an end. The goal was to get money or something they could sell for money. Whereas the harassment’s purpose was to scare me, tramautize me and terrify me. I think the hard part for me is that it was in a crowded place, not late. This makes me feel as if something like this can happen again, anywhere and at any time. That is scary. I also talked to a detective today about my case and he thinks there may be some surveillance footage of my attack because of the location. He is looking into it. I am taking this a day at a time, resting as much as I can and allowing myself to go through the process in my own way. I know ultimatly I will be okay. I am tough and I have great supports. And as much as hard as this is, it could be a whole lot worse.
That is all for now.
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Twitter
Oh my gosh hun, I am so sorry to hear that this happened to you. Sometimes, I think I am wayyy too trusting of myself in compromising situations. Last night, I was walking through an empty parking lot very late at night and regretted my choice shortly after. Thankfully, nothing happened, but you can really never be too sure.
So so very glad you are okay!!
Thanks, Lauren!
YIPES! Hang in there girl. xo
Will do, Gwen
Sigh, I am sorry this happened to you. Take care of yourself.
Thanks, Sana
Oh how scary! At least it was your phone is acknowledging the physical aspect, which, while important, isn’t the only thing. Of course the emotional/mental component is also going to be there, regardless of what actually got stolen! I hope you’re able to find some things that are helpful in that area! I find grounding techniques to be somewhat helpful… sorry for what happened to you!
Thanks for understanding. It is so helpful. The mental and emotional component is the hardest part. Not that shelling out an unexpected $400 for a new phone didn’t hurt (I’ll have to pick up some extra shifts at the restaurant- no biggy), but the mental part is certainly the biggest hurtle.
I am so sorry this happened to you. I keep feeling like there is more I want to say, but I can’t find the words. I’m glad you’re safe.
Thanks, Becki. I appreciate it.
Unbelievable! Absolutely terrifying ordeal to go through. You take all these precautions as a female living in the city anyway and it never seems to be enough. You are one tough ass bitch and I hope you find some peace soon. All my love.
Thanks, Dez! Yeah- as the wife of a cop I am very aware of what things put me at risk so this story goes to show that can happen anywhere at any time.
Ali, I cannot tell you how sorry I am that this happened to you. It’s just terrible and I can only imagine all the emotions you are feeling. Please know I am praying for you to get to a better space. I, too, was mugged and it takes time, my dear. xxxxxxx
Thanks, Donna! It’s sad that it is all too common where we live.
Ali – I had no idea this happened to you. I’m so grateful that you are ok (physically). I had something happen to me (which is too personal to discuss online) and I’m glad you’re talking to someone. It gets better.
Thanks, Eri!
I’m so sorry this happened to you. It sounds terrifying. I’m glad that you are talking to someone about this. When I saw the tweet a couple of days ago, I was actually worried it happened in your neighborhood – not that this is any better, but having something like this happen in your home space sounded so horrific to me.
Oh goodness yes! It would have been so much more terrifying if it were closer to home or in my immediate neighborhood.
I’m so, so sorry Ali. I hope each day brings you a bit more relief. *hugs*
Thanks. I am feeling better each day
Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry that happened! How horrible. The way you are approaching it is very brave, incredible, and admirable. I hope you feel better and get more sleep every day.
Thanks, that is sweet of you to say. I think the lack of sleep is the worst. My job definitely requires me to be on top of my game, so the lack of sleep has been sucky. But I got 4 hours last night, so it is getting better!
Wow. I’m proud of you for fighting, chasing and keeping calm. Definitely rest up, feel whatever feeling comes and be strong. We’re all (virtually) with you in this! I hope everything works out and you’re able to work through everything you need to.
Thanks for the (virtual) support. It means a lot
What an awful thing to happen to such a great person. I am so sorry. I don’t know what I would do if the same happened to me. The world can be such a wonderful place but once in awhile it really sucks. I am so sorry you had to see and continue to be affected by the sucky side.
Thanks, Sarah. Sometimes sucky things happen. I agree though, the world is a pretty wonderful place regardless. Thanks for your kind words.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. It’s disgusting that they still want to harass you. I hope they catch them soon and justice is served. Practice lots of self-care and I’m sending positive thoughts your way.
Thank you! Patience is key, since I am not the most patient person. I am trying my best to have patience with myself. I appreciate your support and kind words.
Oh my gosh, that is so terrible! I’m glad you are ok. My husband and I go to Boston all the time and we walk everywhere and I usually feel pretty safe in well lit and busy areas.
It really sucks that someone can just go out there and do this to somebody else. Can’t they imagine how they’d feel if it were their mother, sister, girlfriend getting attacked?
Seems like you did a great job staying calm. I hope you continue to get through this, talk it out, and move forward. You don’t deserve to live in fear, you’re a strong woman!
I think the same thing- wouldn’t they be upset if it was someone they knew? But I don’t think that is how people think. I truly hope that they make a change and decide to do something better with their lives.
I have PTSD from living in a dangerous neighborhood (not by choice) last year, and I had several incidents such as yours. Unfortunately, the men were more interested in physical abuse (attempted rape), yelling verbal threats through my door, or throwing litter in my yard as they walked by. I had the police over probably twice a week and never once slept a full night during my year there.
As a result, I have little trust in people and confrontations like the one you had make me stay home more than go out, unless I’m in a large group. I hope you can emotionally recover quickly! I was planning to attend Boston U for grad school but now that I’m obsessive over crime statistics, I’ve pulled my application and am looking at only low-crime cities. This is a good reminder that you can be a victim anytime, anywhere!
Did you have your phone in your hand and they saw you as an easy target, or was it in your bag? Did you not have a passcode on your phone? When I go out alone, I carry a “dummy phone” so that if I do get approached, that’s the one they’ll get.
Oh my goodness! That sounds horrible. I am so sorry that you had to go through that. I cannot imagine how hard that was. I don’t want you to get the impression that Boston is a terrible place. There is crime, like in any city, but I feel like what I experienced shouldn’t deter you from coming here. Boston is a beautiful city and I am still just as in love with it as I have always been. BU is a GREAT school! But I totally understand you wanting a low crime city due to what you experienced in the past.
My phone was in my pocket in my jacket because my purse is so huge that I have a hard time finding my little phone in the massive bag. My phone did have a passcode, I am not sure how they were able to get into it to be completely honest. I think this is something that they have done before and are skilled at.
Good luck with the school search. I know a lot about schools in this area since I worked in higher education for almost 8 years. Shoot me an e-mail if you have any questions or need some guidance on schools in the area.
I am just reading about this now, I’m so sorry Ali! Take all the time you need. After our house was robbed I was a little messed up for awhile, so I know that the healing doesn’t come with words, but with time. Your husband must have been beside himself.
Thanks, Michelle. I had my house broken into a few times when I lived at home with my parents and you are right that is pretty traumatizing. I am glad you were able to get through it. I hope you are feeling great with your pregnancy and all. Much love!
I am so sorry that you are going through such a traumatizing time. No one should ever go through an incident like this. Take your time to heal and remember that people
are here for you.
Thank you! I am taking care of myself. My job is so busy that it is a huge distraction during the day and that helps a lot.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I cry my eyes read what you wrote. Please give me a call maybe we can go out for coffee and talk. Love ya
Thanks, Mand. Let’s see how this storm pans out this weekend. Maybe we can meet for coffee on Sunday. Love you
I am thinking of you and wishing you peace and justice. Thank you for sharing your story. You are probably helping so many women out there either feel less alone in their own awful experience. Maybe reading your post is pushing someone to get help when she/he previously suffered in silence. You did everything right. This should never happen to anyone. I will check back on your blog to see how you are doing, but you are such a strong and together women I have no doubt you will be just fine. I really hope I will see an update on here that those perps have been caught! All the best to you!!!
Thank you!
Hi Ali,
New reader here. So sorry about your mugging. And sorry about people who seem to be minimizing what happened to you. I was assaulted once, on the job, and it seemed everybody around me was like well you didn’t really get hurt right, so whats the big deal. The big deal was the anxiety I felt walking down the street, jumping at every little noise. I was hyperaware and super sensitive. I had a few nightmares and lots of sleepless nights. I was terrified to go back to work and had a few (ok several) breakdowns at the office and had to completely change how I went about my job, which impacted everybody I worked with. I also spent some time seriously reconsidering my career choice. (And ultimately decided to stick to my chosen path). The choice to press charges was left up to me and ultimately I decided not to, because I wasn’t sure what I or my client would get out of the legal process. And finally after weeks of being scared to go to sleep in my own bed, scared to be out in public and scared to be at work, and feeling like I had no one to talk to because when I did people just told me I’d be fine, to get over it, to be happy that it wasn’t worse, I got some counselling. I hope you reach out to a professional if you need to. I’m sorry that you had your trust in people violated. I’m sorry that you are now left feeling vulnerable and anxious because of someone taking advantage of you for a small profit. I’m sorry that the assault has continued in the wake of the actual mugging. All that being said, you will be ok. Just take the time you need and don’t rush it.
WOW! I am so sorry that happened to you. Being attacked on the job must be so incredibly difficult, I can’t even imagine that! It is hard when people are saying, “You are fine.” “it is just a phone”- so thank you for expressing your understanding. I am sorry that you understand (because you went through something horrific) but I am glad to have someone validate my feelings. I appreciate you sharing your story and letting me know that you got through it. I know I will be okay. I just need to be patient with myself. Thanks so much for sharing your story and for your words of understanding and encouragement. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it!
Holy cow, Ali, that’s terrifying!!! I’m so happy that you are physically ok, even though I know the emotional scars and terror can take a lot longer to work through. But I’m impressed by the way you have handled yourself and continued to remain strong. Just remember that it’s ok to cry or be upset, and allow those emotions to be free as well. I’m thinking of you today, and am just happy to hear that you are ok.
Thanks, Stephanie!
Oh wow, I am really sorry to hear this. Hang in there…
Thanks!
I really will never understand why people put so much energy into such horrible things…that’s absolutely awful. I’m so sorry that happened to you…it’s the funny thing about blogs, when you read them often enough, it feels like something awful happened to a long distance friend. Sending an internet hug (or bottle of wine).
Thanks, Maria. You are sweet!
Wow, that sucks that this happened, how awful! When I was a cop I don’t think I truly understood the trauma people experienced with these types of crimes until I had my car broken into (while I was a cop). The sense of violation you feel is overwhelming and I felt a lot of the same emotions you did- sadness, scared, anger, etc… I feel like it really takes you by surprise that people can do that to other people, it’s completely disheartening. I was at least glad the experience of that happening to me helped me better understand what it was like for the victims I dealt with. I hope the police can catch these guys and I hope you feel better and start getting back to “normal” soon. Take care Ali!
Oh no
So sad to hear this happened to you. I was in Fanueil Hall at the same time on Saturday night. Crazy how horrible things like this can happen right around you and I had no clue. It is nice to hear that some guys helped with chasing the attackers- gives you some hope that there are good people in the world, too! You are being very brave about it, hang in there.
How terrifying! I hope you can find some peace and security soon.
Hi there, I just found your blog today as I was searching around for crossfit blogs. I am so sorry that you had to experience that! I will be thinking about you! I noticed we share a lot of similarities! I am a marathoner, fairly new crossfiter, health nut, and a school counselor! (oh and I have a serious addiction to fashion which includes exessive amout of shopping!)
I am looking forward to following your blog!
you poor girl. people make me want to throw up. it took 3 grown men to take a small female’s purse?! gah. hope the memory of this fades quickly.
this is so awful. i think this would knock my faith in humanity right out from under me. i hope you are doing OK and i really hope something restores your faith in humanity soon.
I’m so sorry this happened to you Ali. I hope that you are starting to heal – both physically and mentally. I’m glad you have great support system that you can lean on right now. What a truly awful thing to experience.
Oh my gosh, Ali. This story is devastating to hear. I am really at a loss to say how sorry I am that this happened to you and that these individuals continued to harass you. It’s horrifying. Thank you for sharing your story. I will certainly think twice about my safety. I admire your courage.
I hope that each day that passes will get a little easier.
Ali,
I was catching up on your blog and just now saw what happened to you. I am so sorry you had to go through that traumatizing experience. Anyone who says that you should be thankful that they only took your phone has obviously never been through something like that. It is awesome that you were able to put up a fight (which I’m sure isn’t surprising to any of your regular readers because that’s just your style!) but that doesn’t mean you should have less anxiety from it. I know you are a busy person but don’t count out talking to a professional about your experience. Sometimes just a few sessions of therapy could make the world of a difference especially with helping regain your confidence to face the world again. You are a strong woman and we all know you will get through this, just take it one day at a time.
Bethany