It is undeniable that my blogging schedule has been “off”. I am sure you have noticed spurts of posts followed by days of nothing. I see the stats and know you are checking back and I thank you all for that. For that reason, and because I genuinely love my readers and the community that has been built here, I feel compelled to give you an explanation.
The thing about blogging about your life is that it is easier to share your life when things are going well. When it always feels like progress is being made, the sun is shining and life is good, I want to share things and I want to talk about what is happening. I am also much more creative and in turn, write great posts. However, when I am not in a great place it is hard to blog because I don’t want to pretend I am doing great. I don’t want to pretend that I am excited, perfect or happy all the time. It’s not that I don’t WANT to be real with you all, but this is a very public thing and sometimes it is hard to be 100% honest with yourself and other people when there are thousands of sets of eyes on you. A lot of people I know in “real life” read my blog and while I love that it can be hard to talk about things on here because I know people get upset when learn about things on my blog. If I had the ability to be anonymous there is a lot more I could share. There is also a fear of being judged and attacked by complete strangers and I know this post will cause some of that. While thinking about writing this post, I asked myself SEVERAL times if I thought I could handle it or if I was ready for it. I am writing this post because I have always tried to find a way to put myself out there in an effort to help other people through blogging and I hope that if nothing else, this post resonates with one person and makes them feel understood, less lonely or hopeful.
I am a real person, not a machine or robot sitting behind a computer. I have very real issues, very real weaknesses and very real feelings. Please be kind. 
That being said I will tell you I have been having a hard time dealing with life lately. Before I was laid off from my job I was feeling slightly off emotionally. I had a tough few months with dealing with health issues. These issued caused me to feel really ill and at times I am still not feeling great. They also caused me to have to take incompletes in come of my classes (which are all made up now ) and that was a huge blow to my ego since I am typically a really good student. Then being laid off happened on top of foot injuries that cause nagging and constant pain. Being laid off affected more than just the fact that we are out an income during a VERY financially strained time in our lives. It had literally affected every part of my life. Add the stress of gutting and renovating a house and I guess it was just my “perfect storm”. I have been struggling emotionally and it shows; in my attitude, my lack of blogging, my having a hard time getting certain things done etc. It is also a very lonely and isolating feeling and for someone who is very social, that is been difficult. As I have had some history of depression (which I can blame partly on genetics), I am able to realize that that is something that I am experiencing now. As a result of feeling depressed, I have reverted back to some not as healthy ways of coping that I am not proud of, mostly what would be considered disordered eating (there have been several posts on my past history with this). This is not entirely deliberate because when I am depressed, my appetite goes away, but I can’t say that it wasn’t intentional at all either. There is a very fine and very blurry line. However, I am doing the things I need to do to get better and those are personal, but trust that I am making the effort. In addition to getting what I need, I am trying to spend time with the people in my life that make me happy and support me.
It is my plan to start back to normal blogging now that I am feeling better and I have cleared the air. Writing this post was hard, yet cathartic. I hope that you can see the bravery I had to muster up to sit here and put these words into a post and hit publish. I thank you for you love and support as always. I am actively working at getting myself back to feeling more like this girl:
Back to myself…
Twitter
We are here for you! Love your blog so much and glad you could be so open and honest with us! Hope you start feeling better soon – I have battled depression in my past too and I know how tough it can be! You are awesome!!!
Hey Ali,
I just found your blog, and you and your story are just such an inspiration. I have been unemployed for the past 3 months, and I completely relate to how you described the feeling, especially for a social person.
I wish you the best of luck with your career and your amazing running journey(s), and I just hope that now with your additional time you get to continue to do all of the healthy and enriching things that so many of us enjoy reading about on your blog!
~Sophia
Ali,
I’ve been reading your blog for a long time, but never commented. I just had to break my silence and say: keep your head up!! You are so strong and beautiful and I love reading your posts…you’re an inspiration, even when things are not going well. I’m going through a rough time too. Positivity is all I can fight back with. This too shall pass, keep doing what you’re doing. I don’t even know you, but I am so proud of you.
-Jenna
Hang in there, girl! We’re rooting for you. You have had some serious struggles in the last few months, but keep moving forward.
Praying and thinking about you Ali <3
Sometimes life hands you big pile of poop, doesn’t it? Hang in there lady.
You are so brave to share the honesty of how you’ve been feeling. Take pride in the fact that you are taking steps towards feeling better because, honestly, that is the hardest part–finding the strength to help yourself. You are amazing and you probably don’t even realize how many people you are helping by sharing the reality of who you are. Keep your chin up–if you’ve gotten through these things once, you can get through them again. Sending positive energy and thoughts your way!
Ali, you gorgeous creature — so impressed that you had the courage to post this. You are amazing and a real inspiration, every day. I recently posted about my stuggles with anxiety and depressions, so I totally understand how scary it can be to hit publish. Just know that you have hoardes of us out here supporting you the whole way!
I haven’t been posting regularly (read: at all) lately either because I’m in a similar funk. I’m going to take a cue from you to write and talk about it rather than hide just because things aren’t puppies and rainbows and sunshine at the moment. I hate to sound like a downer all the time, but I guess no one would want to read a fake blog, right?
Thanks for being awesome, as always. Much much much much MUCH love to you, and I hope that great hubbie, adorable pup, amazing family, great friends and adoring readers can bring a smile to your face when you’re ready for it
<3
Ali,
You have always been an inspiration, still are, and will always be no matter what
Love you! xo
Sometimes being an adult sucks doesn’t it? Ugh!
The good news is, you seem to have a great support network. Thank goodness for that!
Do what you need to do- and when you don’t know what that is, ask for help
Good luck Ali- you CAN get through this.
To you it may be a weakness, but it takes a lot more strength to sit here and be honest with yourself. Never mind the readers. They’ll keep coming back for more and more, as long as it’s honest writing. No doubt. Sending happy, comforting and supportive vibes!
Jenna
*HUGS*
I’m proud of you for writing about this when it was something that made you nervous. That takes balls, lady!
You have to do what’s best for YOU. Take care of yourself mentally and physically, blog when you feel up to it, and don’t stress about the little things. You guys will get through it. Everything always works out the way it should in the end. ♥
I am sorry you have so many tough thins going on. One alone would be difficult, but all combined really do make for the perfect storm! Hang in there, one day at a time, and remember this is just one part of your life, and things will look up soon!
I’ve been going through a similar feeling about blogging, feeling like my life is not all together and it’s hard to know how to blog when things are like that. Hang in there and hopefully we’ll both be back on track soon! In the meantime we can snuggle our cute doxies for comfort!
Oh, Ali. If I were in Boston right now I would take you out for a cup of coffee and a big old hug. I know exactly what you’re going through…in fact, I’m going through it right now. It’s hard to blog about health, fitness, diet, and all of that stuff when you’re afraid you’re relapsing back into old habits and patterns that are destructive. Thank you for sharing your struggles and I know you can get back to your old self. You’re a constant inspiration to me and I’m so glad I can call you a ‘blend.’ <3
So sorry you’re having a difficult time. I can so relate to not wanting to blog about the struggles. I feel that way a lot too. Hope you feel better soon!
Chin up youg lady! Love you xo
This is WHY your blog is one of my favorites. The “healthy” living blogs all paint the picture of “perfection” when in REAL life perfection doesn’t exist…..keep your chin up and things will get better
I’ve been reading your blog for awhile now too and I have never commented before either but after this soul bearing post I felt I had to. I think what you did was incredibly brave and sometimes I do feel bloggers have the perfect lives and everything is sunshine and perfect photos. But to have you be so human and have very real problems and be so open about them will help more people than you know. You already helped me by writing this post since I have also battled depression and not so perfect times in my life. Thank you for being so honest about everything and just know you are not alone in this big world. Things will turn around and you will ok back on these days and be proud you were able to get through.
Ali,
I’ve been reading your blog for awhile. Hang in there! My husband and I have been dealing with lay offs for 3 years now, I’m a teacher, he’s in the building industry. It’s frustrating and there were days when I would completely LOSE it. It felt good to get it out but it didn’t make things better. We finally both have jobs but I’m cautiously optimistic. It’s difficult to move forward with your life, especially when everyone around it. Remember you have friends, family, and blog readers that are hereare for you and that are going through the same things too. You’re not alone!
ali you never cese to amaze me; frist as your dad your honesty is what has made me look at my life in a better way. if there was any thing I could do to fix or lift this burden I would move heaven an earth to do so you are one of our greasts light in this family and times like this your light shines brightest all you have to do to solve this this and most prob is JUST BE ALI your mind is a is a awsome thing . always here for you just say the word and you and I will slay all the dragons dad
We all know how special Ali is but now we know how special Ali’s Dad is. What a beautiful comment, “your honesty is what has made me look at my life in a better way.”
Ali- your dedication and creativity really inspire me. You are on a very short list of people who do that for me and you know I am in classroom’s daily with jesuit priests who don’t even inspire me as much.
Love you kiddo,
Stacey
stay strong Ali, I imagine this was beyond difficult to write and it shows the strength you have inside you to let us all know how you are feeling and what has been going on.
Your Dad’s post just gave me the shivers, but it also proves how many close and supportive people in your life…embrace them, embrace yourself…
I think this post probably made a world of difference than a bunch of “fake it until you make it” posts would have. You are stronger and braver than you know…just remember that.
I totally feel you. As kind of a new blogger myself- I totally understand about sharing your life, wanting to share it only when it’s good, and that it’s hard to deal with the ups and downs of life. I love your blog Ali!! It doesn’t matter to me if you post everyday- I’m just glad you’re still here!
I am so lucky to have you in my life!
Ali,
I have read your blog for a long time. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers. Sometimes the brightest lights come after the darkness and your strength will lead you there. Your dad’s post is so sweet and I’m sure a reflection of the people you have around you, lean on them. Although I’m sure it was hard, I appreciate you sharing and I look forward to your updates.
I give you so much credit for writing that. You’ve been through a lot, and I think everyone could understand that you need a break sometimes to just take care of yourself. Sending good vibes your way.
We keep reading your blog, even when we don’t know you, because we know you are a real person! We don’t just want to hear about the good things in your life, as we all go through struggles too. I hope you are on your way to being happy again, and that you are blessed with work and health soon.
I’m sorry you’re going through this difficult time. We’ll be here for you when you’re feeling better, so don’t worry about us
I hope you get to feeling better soon.
It takes a lot of courage to admit to yourself and the world that you’re having a hard time. People think depression and struggle is a weakness and something to hide. It’s just human. We all have to work through natural feelings of despair when things dont go our way and pretending we’re fine only makes things worse. Our society has all but guaranteed disordered eating from all its constituents, and to admit on your healthy living blog that you’re having these issues is very courageous. Your honesty is appreciated. I would bet a good portion of your readers can relate, myself included.
I have a very hard time understanding people who read blogs to leave hurtful comments. The least happy amoung us are those who lash out. I wish it were easier to feel compassion for those types, because they probably need a little love in their lives. What an utter waste of their time.
It looks like you have a lot of people behind you in both the real and virtual worlds. Not everyone has that support system, so lean on it as much as you can!
And lastly… I’d rather read a real blog than one that is sunshine and rainbows all the time. People are complicated, and we can relate to each other much better when we’re honest and genuine.
Did I say lastly already? Here’s the real lastly! Unsolicited advice… Everyone’s favorite! Find a way to laugh and to laugh as much as possible! Humor is probably the only reason the human race is still around!! I also find it helpful to read great literature.
I LOVE YOU!!! XOXOXOXO Here if you need anything.
Thanks for being so honest with your readers. I hope you start feeling more like yourself soon!
Life sucks sometimes. Take care of you. We’ll be here when you get back. Lots of love to you Ali!
The comment from your Dad totally made me tear up! (I have a very close relationship with my father, and it seems you do too <3)
Hang in there, get whatever help you need! Learn to accept help for the "small" stuff- it takes the pressure off the bigger stuff.
You are such a strong person and such an inspiration to all who read your blog. You’ve got quite a solidarity behind you. Even though we’ve never met, I feel as though I can empathize with you and send you some mental hugs and well-wishes.
I absolutely hate that you are going through such a rough patch right now–but you’ve got such a great outlook and attitude!
I’m not going to tell you to “chin up” or that “it will get better,” but you’ve mastered so much in your life. Do what you have to do and push through.
Much love,
Whitney
Your bravery and honesty blow me away, Ali. You are such an amazing and wonderful person, I’m here 100% if you need anything. I love you, friend. Thank you for opening up to us. Praying for you during this rough patch. Just remember, it’ll pass. I hope it passes soon!!
Just letting you know I’m thinking about you! It does take a very brave person to be so open and honest!!
Hang in there!!! Anyone reading this can relate to your feelings. Things will improve!!
Hey Ali! Missed you!! Why is it that things always go wrong at the SAME time
I never talked about it on my blog but I was laid off earlier this summer. It was a shock, but I took it more as a forced vacation of sorts and I really needed it (that is if you’re getting unemployment…it’s not great but it’s something).
Anyways, hope we can get together sometime! I hope you still decide to come out Wednesday night…you might not feel like it but once you’re out you’ll feel better and we can cheer you up!
First – I started to read all the comments here and got to your dad’s, which made me cry. He’s awesome!
Second – I’ve been reading your blog for a while and never commented, but it’s nice to see people speaking “publicly” about their struggles and depression-related topics. So many people struggle with this stuff, and yet so many are still afraid to talk about it! I think a lot of people (myself included) are having a hard time right now for a zillion different reasons, and I think that in general the blogging world tends to be all champagne toasts! And bon bons! And cute fuzzy puppies! Often the hard stuff gets left out of the public eye, making it even easier for folks that are having a tough time to feel worse about themselves and what they are going through. THANK YOU for being so honest!
Third – I’ve heard a lot recently about how April and September are two of the hardest months for folks that suffer from depression, so add that in to that perfect storm you were describing!
Here’s to hoping that October brings better days!
SO glad you are making time for yourselves. Sometimes spending time with family, friends, and making time for ourselves is what we need most. No hard feelings for being gone, but Im glad your back!
Ali, Things always have a way of working out. Think of all that you have accomplished in the last three years. This is just a bump in the road that will make you stronger. We are here for you. I wish that I could wave my hand and make things better. Love you
The more I read your blog, the more I see myself in you. It’s like you are my Boston clone!
I respect how you put your life out there the good, the bad, and the ugly. Hang in there, you’ll be great.
Ok so the comments from FFF parents = tears. Life does hand you hurdles but girl you can run and your crossfit butt can jump over any and every hurdle you face. You are strong as hell and will make it through this “funk.” As you know the passed few months has not been good for my family. Ive been dealing with depression that i had longed been recovered from. Ive been thankful to my friends, family, & Dan who remind me everyday that all is well and that this too shall pass. We are surrounded by love and support girl. Love you and coffee soon!!!
Ali, I read many blogs and yours is at the top of my list. I truly appreciate your willingness to be vulnerable and real and honest. Plus, I have learned a lot about running and eating and FASHION! Thanks for your blog, hope you’re feeling better.
Being laid off is awful…been there. Please take your time in processing/dealing with life…I’ll be here as a reader when you’re ready to blog away again. Just know that we’re thinking about you and hoping for the best.
Im so sorry this is all happening to you Ali. You are a strong lady and you will make it through this. Take time for yourself. Stay healthy cause you got a MARATHON GIRL!!! Thinking of you. xxoo
People really wrote you mean emails for this?! what?!?! Can I me ‘tough & not-loving’ to them? :p j/k.. but seriously. I’ve been in a very similar situation.. actually about a year ago when I moved to a new city, didn’t have a job (no money to go home for the holidays), no friends, history of depression in my family, etc. You are so awesome for writing this! I read your blog frequently but am just catching up now.. huge congrats on the marathon and looks like things are moving in the right direction..really happy for you!